Just as I was scrolling down my Facebook news feed, I came across this weird question.What would You say in your own Eulogy?
Well, the first time I heard the word ‘Eulogy’ was while reading ‘The fault in our stars’. Yes, even I like to dive in the endless pool of love and tears where everything doesn’t end in a good way. I am not propagating the love story cult or looking forward to reading more of these lovey-dovey stuff, it’s just this one word takes me back to reading that perfect book.
There, I had tears when I heard the eulogy by a lover for another lover. Here, I am looking forward to taking this question in a nice subtle way!
Well, if there would have been any SEO-ing done here, I would have gone to connect the word with ‘Death’, even you would have done the same, isn’t it? Well, yes, death is exactly what comes in your mind when you read ‘Eulogy’. But in my case, a thought came. The first thought was- What the F???Why would I write my own eulogy? The next one was, wait a minute?Why not?
Considering the fact that I recently posted a write-up on Strangers, which dwelled into a very deep meaning of how my days with depression led me to the biggest enlightenment of this Planet- “Nobody really cares for you. You are alone.” For those of you who have started judging me, if there was a door to my blog I would have happily shown you the way. Still, there are some really meaningful genuine humans out there who believe in the wicked truth that I always come up with. So where were we? Strangers, yes. So since almost everybody is a stranger, it is much better if I could write some words of sheer appreciation for myself and make people hear what I actually was and not what they judged me to be! It would be a great idea to write something for myself, even better if I could say it to myself. Well, even if my culture does not believe much in appreciation after death with a spoken note-well, even if there would have been, I believe nobody would have come and spoken about me! So here I am- with something close to me, but saying that loud to myself today as who knows when tomorrows would end. Life is beautiful, make it beautiful with yourself.
Well, that’s me. If all you have stopped going through my Facebook page, blog and WhatsApp and written down your own set of emotions tagging me in your status, telling me you guys miss me and what not, you all have finally come to my funeral.
Tarun, if you are listening out there, I would seriously want you to make sure they have donated my eyes before they say a final goodbye.
First of all, this is not a joke. Death, except if it’s me, I can never take the very word as a joke. It is not. But since I am writing this for me, saying this for me, I am glad that it’s me at this place and not anybody out of you all lovely people. Since I am no more a physical entity, I am the divine.
I am the girl who lost so many and still survived. The best part is even I don’t know why I stopped trusting all of you. If anybody would want me to live Forever-I would keep my parents along rather than anybody out there. Yes, I loved them like anything. I made sure I never hurt them. Love, I learnt from them and Love I only feel with them. Nobody could ever touch my soul except my parents. They believed in me and loved me despite the complete mess I was. Mess- that they never thought I was, unlike all of you.
In my life I lived a lot of moments. I was somebody different, almost all the people that I met are convinced of that. Yet, they expected the same old stuff from me. Some tested me, some I tested and you goons, it’s not all about love. Go beyond that thinking.
I broke stereotypes wherever I could. I just never lived happily with supposed things-perhaps that’s why I died searching for happiness. I knew happiness, I just was always made to live at the wrong places with all the wrong kind of people. Trust me, I tried my best.
I suppose if I am talking like this, I became a huge success as a writer. Many people claim it to be destiny, but it’s not. I made my own destiny. I broke laws, I tore myself apart from rules. As a society, you, many of you tried to put me down, giving excuses. But I know how I came up to be who I went away as.
Lessons? I learnt the art of living alone. I learnt that people are not good or bad. They are just manifestations of something called as a human being on this modern planet. There are emotions left only in some of us samples and many of us are probably going to die trying to earn them, learn them. I was emotional. I had tears, many of them. That’s why I couldn’t survive with all of you. I am not angry with the world. The world behaves the way it should. Conventionally, trying to suck life out of every other human being and calling it love. I learnt that you meet people and that is momentary. You cannot apply any expectations on them else you get hurt. I learnt that actually there is nothing like friendships. It’s business. You take one moment I give you one of mine. And then one day when the demand goes away, you stop getting moments or even stop getting asked for them.
I learnt guys are better friends to each other than girls. Well, I’m not blaming any of the girls out there but yes, we spend a lot of time judging each other. They are better friends than our gender species.
People are not bad. They are your experience. It is only the people who make life a better experience or a sour happening on this planet.
Thankfully, I was born in India and lived a lot of my life there only. So I wish I can come back and be in some nice airy country next time. But if it is India, I wish I can be a guy. I have my own reasons for that, we can discuss those in some other post.
For all of you who have come up to listen to me, I would want you to live. Please live a life. Forget the fact that it is happy or not, live it at least. Stop pushing each other in your personal definition of things. All of you are unique and you have your life course written in your own personal unique set of codes. Use your brains to decode that algorithm and live.
Jobs, Love, Relationships, Money are all secondary or maybe tertiary. At the end, you would just want to answer if you lived or not.
You must do one or both of these- Read and Travel. Reading and Traveling are the only two things that make you learn, explore the bounties of this world, dive deep into the inner world of great authors and people you meet when you roam around.
I have gone through some dark patches. There were times when I would have gladly taken the road to end. But something kept me alive. The trust, that this can’t be my graph of fate, kept me waiting for this day to come. The feeling that life is not over yet kept me going. Books kept me grounded to nature and the world, that I believe is still a good place to be. Like Anne Frank, I still would want to believe that people are good at heart.
I have no regrets today. I wanted to accomplish things which I have. Written a book, adopted a little orphan girl, about five street dogs and cats, I am in bliss. I just wish, I have made sure somebody takes care of all of them. I have tasted successes, battled failures and fallen in love.
I have read millions of books my now and I own my own library, personal closet and a wardrobe of shoes of all the kinds. I am still the same size and I am sure nobody out of you can use my outfits. Many of you wouldn’t because you lurk in some stupid superstition, I don’t care. Tarun, you can take all my bags and name your daughter after me. There is a friend of mine who I am not sure has come or not, but I would want to say- ‘I expected you to be better than what you remained!’. Mom and dad, I love you. Thanks for bringing me in here. I hope hell has good quality beer and books.