It has been so long that I have written about something. I miss my readers terribly now. The past three months I have spent writing professionally and reading a lot. When it comes to reading, I usually end up opening links to almost any good write-ups and recently Akkar Bakkar has been one of them. The stories are unimaginable and sometimes very well- written. It was intriguing to see a lot of women being very expressive about marriage and how they see it as a total blunder in their lives. Trust me, there were a lot of articles on this and at some point thought are the men Devils or what??? Where are these Men???
With all respect to women who suffer, mostly the articles were by women who actually had not been married yet.
I desperately wanted to go explore all these men who they were talking of…because I have been studying, working, laughing and coexisting with wonderful men around me and I’m sure they are nowhere like the ones being talked of. Somewhere have we generalised all of them???
Is my brother or my father actually considered to be one of them when we go out???Just give it a thought…
I just went around the corner and though once from their perspective. So, in response to a letter that I read from a girl to her perspective groom, I have a counter response, true and deep.
Women, I love you and I am part of you. But before that, I am a daughter of a man, who is equally responsible for what I am today, and he deserves me to speak on his behalf. I am a human being, who understands the evolution process and accepts the balance of nature where nobody is superior-but equal.
This letter is in response to a letter published at:
No personal Grudges, I am just executing my RIGHT TO EXPRESSION!!!
To The Girl I Might Not Want But I Will Get
You do not know me but somehow I am the groom that you keep talking about all the time.You clearly say that you don’t know me yet somehow you are already sure that I am nothing but one big restriction to you.
There in the piles of the perspective grooms that your beloved Sharma aunty and your parents have found, I lay waiting to get you to simply cut off the wings that your parents have grown.Of course I understand that being a girl is not easy in this country and deep down I respect you all for that, but somehow in your disdain and doubt you are somewhere sure that I am not the one you want.
Well, let this not be about you and let it be about me as well.
I have spent my whole life till now trying to live to my parent’s expectations as well as those oozing eyes of the neighbours who wanted just one single chance to see me unemployed.Trust me, relatives are dying to call me an alcoholic or a smoker and tell my parents that I am a black mark on their face.Fortunately, I have achieved that much that I can go out and not be eyed for being the ruined son.And let’s skip the part where I could just not afford to not have a job as nobody would give me their daughter.
Now, I have piles of girls lying on the table with my mother and Kapoor aunty going through them. And even I wonder of how one of them would be chosen and made my life partner forever.
I wonder about many things.
First of all, I am scared. Scared, that one of you might turn up to be the perfect bride and later be a nightmare.I am scared at how my family is a simple family of principles against dowry and how many of you might be the one sending me to jail for dowry itself (obviously people will listen to you than me) and suddenly our whole reputation would be at stake.More than the date of my marriage, I am apprehensive of 498A that might someday be my destiny, if ever I trod the nuptial path with you.
I am worried at how I will manage the job of being amidst two most important women in my life and not make any of you insecure.I understand how you might be alone and sacrifice everything for my family and we appreciate that but we here are also there to keep you as our own and just expect love and support.
I am sure being at your position is really stressful, but I am not born with a silver spoon as well.I don’t care what your past is but then I expect you to respect the same for me.I have no issues with you boozing and enjoying at parties, but then don’t create a scene at home when I come late half-drunk from a party on a random Friday night.I respect you for having no grudges at all with your ex, but when I bump into mine and give her a hug, I expect that our dinner would not be affected and you will not make me apologise for the next three nights for something I did not do!!!
I have no issues with virginity; trust me not everyone is the same.But then you need to be in terms with that first. If you want it to not be a taboo for us, you have to first take the taboo out of your mind.
Remember all the friends that you have had.I am just one of those friends you had in your group back in college.
My dear bride, I am a worrier too.In a time where a single touch can lead to fake rape cases and not slapping actually heads up to an assault case ,we worry too when talking about getting a girl in our house that we know nothing of. Infact, that is the reason, we are now hell scared with commitments, forget marriage.
But then again, like you we guys have not generalised all of you and we still believe that you all are worth respecting and will change our worlds into better places.
Also, I may not promise you that I will not look at girls passing by because technically it is impossible. I cannot get blinds on my face when you are with me. But just looking at women doesn’t mean I am looking at her assets only.And that doesn’t mean I disrespect you nor I have lewd thoughts about women.
Dear perspective lady of my life, I would really not bother about how fat you are or how much you have changed during the years as long as you love and care for me and my family.
I may not be the Cinderella prince but I do know what love is all about.Besides how many times have you seen women getting divorced for the way they look?
Well I cannot promise that I can buy you everything but you can ask me the same way as you ask your father.Unless it’s your ego I don’t think there is anything bad in asking money from me.I will be glad to buy you things to see you happy.
I have my own weaknesses.Sometimes I like to sleep throughout the day and go out with my friends just to have some time with them.Sometimes I like to keep the clothes here and there and I may not remember to keep the toilet lid off.Well, all I ask is for you to remain patient and tell me politely when I piss you off.
It’s good to speak your mind. I have always stood up for people who take a stand. You are free to speak whatever you want and do whatever you want.
Please bear it that we all here have girls as our friends and it’s not just you who has been born in a liberal family.Our mothers have daughters as well and they are equally taught the gender equality concept.We are not sitting here for you to come and make us chapattis all day long.We work with women as well and we have that much wisdom that you might be career oriented as well.Nobody here is waiting for you to come and live in bonded labour.
So stop being that pessimistic and feminist about the whole concept of marriage.We all respect the kind of liberal woman that you are born as but I would like to tell you that you need to have a liberal attitude towards others as well.
It is high time that you yourself stop objectifying women.You need to be independent from within to be one.I look forward to the bliss that you would bring to our homes, but even you know not all of you are the same out there.
We are really scared to death of ever fighting with you or even raising our voices, because we don’t know when the loving you would find a law that suits you and file a case on us.There is no guarantee of how you may mould any small situation into an abuse or harassment.
Still we are out there trying to form a bond that is divine and pious.And we expect nothing but a very simple thing- That you need to stop judging us now.
You need to open your eyes and come out of the perception that you have and maybe will keep having if you really want us to respect womanhood.You need to be proud of yourselves rather than asking people to be proud of you.
If you have so much problem with the marriage and its inflictions on your freedom, come out and say a blatant no to your Sharma Aunty!!The world ahead is not that bad as you think it is.We are human beings here and it’s not that as wrong a world as you have made it to be.
I hope this might have struck the right chord. The world functions with both of us here. It would be a big mistake to let some leaches disguised as “MEN” degrade the whole Manhood.
Your Perspective Groom