I may be Skinny,But You all make me Frail

skinny

We all are born equal. Atleast that is what our constitution says.
We have the same set of two eyes,a brain that gives us the power to decide between whats right and wrong,the limbs and ofcourse the heart that makes us alive.More than that the heart has one little problem-It feels.It can get happy and then it can get low or be hurt.
Anyways coming back to the point,It is said that we all are born equal.
But do we actually behave that way?
Sometimes its not about caste,creed or some sort of physical disability.It isn’t also about being rich or poor or being too intelligent or being a novice.
Its sometimes way more than that-Out physical appearances.
I would love to give that a thought.
Today after all the years of being asked the same question again and again I would like to get in direct one to one with my own demons that All of you put me through.
I am sure there must be many like me.
The ones who didn’t buy that health when they came into this planet.
Atleast I did not.Had I known that health i.e being fat or too slim,black or too fair,beautiful or being not so beautiful(Because there is no such thing as ugly) is anywhere in our own control,or there was some market inside our respective moms womb that we could go and get these things from I would have seriously gone and come being a Perfect Princess.
Cmon,Its not my fault that I am skinny or that girl’s fault that she is too plump.
Its not that guy’s fault who doesn’t have that much height,or its not that guy’s fault who still hasn’t got his beard growing.
Its not in our control.
The same way its not under your control that your body blossomed exactly the way it should have been.It is a boon.
Despite the fact its been years that I hear the most pathetic things as a response to my Hello or even worse before I even say a Hello!!
“Oh god, you are so slim”
“Oh my don’t you eat?’Doesn’t your mother give you enough food?
“For god sake start eating girl,You have to have babies in the future!!”
“Oh are you seriously doing a job?Because to me you look like a 5th grade girl?
“Have you always been like this or is something physically wrong with you?”

Well these are the English versions of what I hear and trust me Had I put them in Punjabi or Hindi I would have again gone back to the depression mode.

And obviously the Typical Punjabi women with so heavy masses of skin that literally make me puke are the ones who don’t leave a chance to make me embarrassed talking about my physical development on every wedding or birthday party that they meet me.Has it ever occurred to them that their make up painted faces make them look worse than whatever natural they have.Yet decent people like me keep their mouth shut because we understand that its but human and there is nothing more they can do to keep their marriages intact!!My courtesies go to their husbands!!
Is it so difficult for them to give me or many like me one single gathering where they do not make me look at myself in the mirror and doubt on my intellect just because I am not plump like other kids.
Is it so important that we have to give physical comments on anybody who is a bit different and does not a posses a normal health-that also normal by their definitions.
Forget the facts that people may be suffering through some physical or mental illness,and any useless reckless question or a comment can make them go deeper into their depressions.
I have gone through immense number of articles and counselling sessions that told me that inferiority is a mental phenomenon.It comes from within you and its just you who can let people make you feel inferior or not be affected by their mundane comments at all.
But being constantly poked,questioned and ridiculed by women(Especially women,I have noticed) here and there and everywhere does not leave any chance of not being felt depressed.
Why would you not always address me as the girl who just topped or the girl who stood for her dreams or any one my minuscule achievements maybe.
Why can’t you just tell me that my hair looks good or maybe any one good thing.
Why has it always to be how skinny I am and why is it more about what I eat and what I don’t eat.
Well,Have I questioned you on how you have been talking all about dieting and still its your third serving of the snacks that you are munching on while telling me about my under development.Because of one simple thing-That anybody gets offended when its about your body.And I respect that fact because I know how it is to look at yourself daily in the mirror and feel that maybe you are not that healthy as your friends are.
That truth is not hidden and I don’t need you to keep reminding me about it all the time.
Lets just accept the fact that we all are born with our set of body functioning.
Its not the same way in each one of us.
No we are not born equal.
Biologically,You have ended up with a better fat manufacturing mechanism than I have been.
Or maybe that girl you just called fatso is actually fighting with her fats that weld up even if she drinks a glass of water.
In the present generation where we have started judging people merely by their looks and persona rather than their brains and the words they posses,we all have somewhere sub consciously become too sensitive about how we look.
Our bodies,the way we look is not in our hands.There are mechanisms that have been transferred through our DNA’s maybe.
And even if it is hereditary,You still have no rights to ask my Mom what she makes me eat.For god sake,I don’t have a disease.But you make me feel like I have one.An incurable one.

People like you make people like me try what not to be confident beings.I have a childhood that is full of memories of being too choosy on what I wore.I have a childhood where I couldn’t make friends that easily because I felt too shy or even low as I wasn’t the same in health the way others were.
I had an adolescence where I didn’t go to farewells and freshers because I was too scared of being compared and noticed.Too scared that you all would give again the same set of comments.
I have a past where I had to believe too much in myself even when everyday you all made me go back through the same memory lane.
I have come back and stood in front of the mirror,Crying as to why can’t all of you leave me alone and not make me realize that I am skinny.
I have been too scared to go shopping.I have had times when It was ordeal to find clothes that would fit.I have had diets that would make me vomit out food,weight gainers and what not.
And I am ashamed of myself that I did that to make all of you stop making me feel low day in and day out.
Seriously,what is it that you get?
I have been to places outside my country,and nobody once questioned or commented on me.
Its mannerism that we need to learn from them first,forget about modernity.
You people have no idea how much power words have on people.
Stop misusing them to make it so damn difficult for souls like us.
Because of you,we end up forgetting our talents and feel so ungrateful of god’s blessings by giving unnecessary importance to stuff like physical appearances.
All those aunts and friends who have an uncontrollable urge to come and ask me about my health,please forgive me for being intensely rude to you,for its the frustration and helplessness of years that I now take with me and hide behind the confident face.
Of course I thank you for the utmost strength and courage that your worthless comments have given me,making a confident girl who is exactly in good terms with her health and the frail framework that she has.But still,When someone like you comes in poking their heads and making me go back to the dark rooms,I have just this one request to you-Please mind your own business.

This is not to give a humble request to all those who unknowingly make people feel low and inferior when it comes to our health. We all know that one fat kid,we always had a name for.Those endless jokes that we put on people making it impossible for them to forget even for a single moment the numeric value of their weight.That kid who was short,and we have always been making fun of.The one who is too tall-we all have issue with that as well.The frail skinned we have always been telling-“Tu ud jaegi”.

Just stop it,Its not that funny as it seems to be.You guys have no rights to keep us reminding of the things we don’t have a control on.
If you can please stop.

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