I had been a very tough girl…With usual problems and unusual ones as well.
To me life was never a normal thing to do…I had learnt lessons that kids my age wouldnt,I had done mistakes that people along me would’nt commit,I had thought of things that normally people wouldnt…Infact I had my own way of living.I was different than normal people.I wasnt abnormal.But I thought more than usually people are able to..I could see horizons past their sight.I could write…..About things they wouldnt dare speak.I had my mentors in life that nobody had met.I had a different kind of faith in God and not like the usual God fearing people portrayed.To me I was more closer to almighty than one can be by reciting rituals in your mind an infinte times just because they were taught as hymns and mantras…but they didnt know what it actually meant.
People may think I was an atheist..I wasnt,To me the concept of God has been the purest one.And I have my own beliefs and faiths too.
It was a usual night…I slept clinging to my pillow whining over my relation with people around me.They never cared as much as I did for them.I realised this truth everyday as slowly everyone drifted away from me.An ‘Emotional Fool’ they called me.Yes,these days…it would have been only for a Fool to cry for people you care…otherwise who has the time these days.With whatsapp and facebook you have a plenty of friends….all of them connected to you.Those you never met,would never meet.But those who are right there with you they are the least connected one.Nobdoy has time to be with with the one who sits beside you when you cry endlessly for someone else.
Nobody has time for those who were your childhood friends…why would they.Life is about changing things.The things that remain around you….you get bored of them.
I was an emotional fool because I never got used to people and getting bored was out of question…
I am still an emotional fool for I choose to write here contemplating the fact that this may give me peace.
That night I ended up reciting my favourite MoolMantra and ended up complaing”I shouldnt be alive.”
The morning was a chilly one.It was cold december and I had no plans to get up from the bed at so early a time.It was 7 only.I drifted back to my dreams.
For me going to sleep was a difficult task these days since I was apparantly spending too much time thinking.So feeling sleepy was a bliss.I slept back.
Amidst the dreams I felt a cold pain engulfing me in my stomach.For sometime I thought of it as a bad dream.Someone may have punched me in the dream.It was a usual thing for me to have weird dreams.Since it kept on pushing me towards reality I got up with a shreik from my mouth.
I came back to the world.No it wasnt a dream and this wasnt something usual.
The pain was all over me…I could feel the muscles churning me from within and I had no idea what happened.I had been an appendix patient and this was one wasnt the same.I almost jumped out of the bed to call for help,To my misfortune the house was empty.It was normal.I had working parents and nobody could have been home at this time of the day.
The pain didnt subside.I took a painkiller I was used to and waited sitting in the stairs,It didnt.
Within some twenty minutes I found myself crawling on the floor and shreiking in a tone eve the spirits could have heard.I had no idea who to call for help.The phone was unreachable for me.I had to climb up the stairs to contact anybody and with me almost puking out every one step I took ahead….it was an ordeal I could hardly achieve.
I saw myself lying in the middle puking out every second minute I opened my mouth to shout.
There were only three words that came out…”God save me.”
I could feel my eyes drooping..Everything was blackening out,I knew I would faint.
But Adrenaline…..!!!The supersaver..it doesnt allow you to loose hope until you are sure you are in safe hands.But for me …Safe hands were too distant.Writhing in pain and taking God’s name I climbed up to grab my phone and managed to call my Dad…I dont know what did I say…all he must have heard would be my shrieks and wails.My message had been delivered….
I fell off the bed and suddenly it was all void…I could feel sleep take me in its arms and telling me a lullay to go to sleep.I was swaying in dark waves of a deep ocean where I had no idea where would they take me.Only that it was soothening.The pain I had no idea of was still there….but I was tired to even shout or squeal….I had lost my strength.I enetered Void….
I felt a prick somewhere.I wanted to say It hurts but I couldnt.I was asleep maybe.
I woke up and here I was….Mom and Dad around.I could memorise what happened but I had no idea where I was….Yes it must be a hospital.I could smell that.But I was happy…I was in safe hands.
Tests were done…needles pricked.And it was a severe stomach infection that aggravated to a chronic level.I was sent back home with a warning that if it would go more sever I would be staying back there for a longer time.I had no desires of coming back there.
My infection wasnt fatal.It wasnt deadly….it could nt kill me for sure.
Yet it was painful.Pain that I would never forget.Pain that I would think of every time I make a joke of having a tumor in my head on a headcahe or cancer when in a fight with somebody.
Pain that would very less in comparison to those fighting deadly health issues but it was way too much to tell me …that I never wanted that pain.
It took me three days of painful engulfs and injections to recover from that.In the end life didnt choose me to be awarded with a serious issue.
I was thankful…I was extremely thankful to have been given a blessing of life.
Those moments of torture were big enough to tell me that any problem in this world was much smaller than losing my health and life to death.
That handshake with end was big enough to bring me on happy terms with my life back again…to the start.
I am a happy person since the day I learnt what Pain meant…..
and trust me…those of us…who had these experiences,all stone patients,appendix carriers and even those who have fought severe health issues…We know what Life is.
We know…what a Handshake with End is…And we never want that one Handshake ever again.!!!
Stay healthy….Stay blessed.